Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Someone signed my nipple.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
