I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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