At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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