I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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