So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
