I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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