your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
