Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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