This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
