ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
