You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
