Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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