I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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