btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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