Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
