And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
