dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
