The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
