I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
