Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
