you would pick up someone in the library
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
