just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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