Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
