I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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