for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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