If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
