Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
"it" just moved
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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