No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
