Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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