oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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