words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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