he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So squirting runs in the family.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
