YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
