i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
