omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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