the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
