went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
