Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
