Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
