I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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