they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
