wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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