I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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