she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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