dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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