I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
