I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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