The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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