Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
