Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
