and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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