I'm really into asian looking animals
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
