is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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